Update, List, and Some Political Ranting.

Heya!

Thought I would do an update blog...

I am volunteering full-time at the Wheelchair Project at the hospital, 5 days a week. Then on the weekends I am at the dog shelter. The WP fixes, fits, and distributes wheelchairs throughout Thailand and surrounding countries. When we aren't traveling, people come to us everyday to fix their chairs or get new ones. It is a really interesting and unique experience. I'm pretty much thrown into it and expected to learn through watching and doing. Luckily, I am good at that! I've learned how to become quiet and observant. 

If you know me, you know I love tinkering with tools.

But I love connecting with people most of all. Even though my Thai is still very limited, connecting with someone through looking into their eyes and sharing laughter is extremely powerful. Heaven knows, I love to laugh! And the Thai people love it. 

I can't believe 2 months have passed but also that I have 4 more months to go! I'm interested to see what happens!

                                                                 Lessons of Thailand:

1. If there is a sidewalk and a sidewalk higher to it, take the higher one. Expect motorbikes to sneak up on you otherwise (or come straight at you on the damn sidewalk). 

2. If is safe to assume you aren't being understood and should try to explain further.

3. Never buy anything full price.

4. Drive like a Thai person or you will be hit.

5. Learning a dance to a popular Thai pop song is a good way to get approval.

6. Sharing rice whiskey makes friends.

7. Smiles/laughter are worth more than gold.

8. Exploring who you are without cultural, societal, relationshipal boundaries is a big mind trip. I think everyone should do it by themselves at some point in their life. 

9. Cuddling is one of the best things in the whole world and I will appreciate it 1000x more when I get back.

10. I loathe the phrase "getting back to real life". Everything is real life, you have just created a sad reality that is shackled in boundaries. 

11. Never underestimate the power and wealth of freshly laundered clothes, a hot shower, and drinkable running water.

12. Sharing poetry, sharing my voice has been of the best ways to break down walls and connect to others. The power of vulnerability and creativity is incredibly huge.

Last thought...

Lots of debates about Gay Rights intertwined with Freedom of Speech.

I want to be clear--

I love that we can say whatever we want (but know that the NSA is and can monitor everything that you say AND you can be detained indefinitely without a trial... I don't see many or enough freaking out about that..) Duck Dynasty man, Westboro Church, you, neo-nazis, hippies can all flap their traps and that is a beautiful thing! Keep flappin', let's get somewhere! 

My question though is, when did we become picky choosey over which rights we believe everybody to have vs. the rights we think only some should enjoy? 

I've been writing pro-gay editorials since Jr. High...

I'm pretty damn proud of Utah right now. 

I still love all of you,

Jeni Peni

^Typical Thai ad

Am I Brave Yet?

Okay...

It's happened..

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE!!

...with THAILAND!!

Let me be honest..

the first month of living here was hard. Really hard. I cried way more than I would let on. I've always acted like a toughie, ever since the 5th(ish) grade, when I arm wrestled all the boys in class..and won. I push and push myself, through emotional and physical pain, determined to do more than what people think I am capable of and what I think I am capable of. It can be good but I am trying to soften. 

Having said that, I wasn't sure how long I would last here and now, I have to say, I don't want to leave. I love the crazy chaotic flow of traffic, lizards crawling all over, the food, driving a motorbike (I love it. so much. I want to get a motorcycle now.), buying fruit from the side of the street for 30 cents, eating with skewers, every dessert, every fruit shake, volunteering, learning, singing for strangers, realizing so much about myself. I also love how much I get to talk to people back home. It has opened up communication and I get to talk to them more than ever before (except Kate, who is MIA all the time :P ) 

And yet, I don't feel brave. I feel satisfied, proud, and content but not brave. I'm not sure if I've set the bar so high for myself that I just don't feel it or I am mistaking emotions. It's interesting.

I've started volunteering at Care for Dogs where I help take care of 180+ dogs who have been rescued from accidents, the streets, abuse, meat trade, or who are ill with cancer. I love it! It's sweaty, smelly, messy, loud but soooo wonderful! (Similar to the classroom I worked in. Bahaha right, Ben and Linda?)

In a few weeks, I will be meeting with someone from The Wheelchair Project to discuss volunteer opportunities. The WP fixes/puts together wheelchairs and distributes them all over to Thailand to those with disabilities. I am REALLY excited about it :) 

Tonight was my first capoeira class and I love it!! I knew I would. I took it because it is the closest to dance as I can get.. It feels so good to move again and have my feet hurt badly. I can hardly walk. But apparently, I am a natural, which is nice to hear. The teacher told me, "with a student like you, you will teach me soon!" I doubt that very much hahah and will continue to stay humble. I get the movements but when it comes to "playing the game" I get nervous. I look forward to moving without thinking and learning to flow.

Anyway.. long blog.

Love you all! 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

(Me being nasty with my open blister on my pinky toe, avocado shake, vegetables! MMM.) 

"I just want a good sandwich."

I just had my first meal without rice or noodles for the first time in 21 days.

It was a veggie pesto sandwich... and it was fucking delicious.

(not to mention the mango lassi I had with it!)

My last partner used to make fun of me because he knew what the answer would be every time he asked what I wanted to eat..

"I just..want...a good sandwich." [add some hand gestures in there that look like I'm measuring a basketball] 

I'm happy to have found the restaurant after an emotional up down day of dealing with a newly developed face skin rash thing and tiny little black ants making me wonder how quickly I could go insane. I'm happy I got to see my brotha Khushbir Singh today though! He made the day a lot better and turned situations into something comical.

I moved to an apartment in the heart of Chiang Mai city. 

I like it so far except for the black ants. They are so so tiny, you think you are going crazy when you feel them. Also.. I saw them climbing into my little bluetooth iPad keyboard..so, I hit it out and sure enough, 10+ little buggers fell out. I hope they are getting squished as a write this blog. 

Hopefully I can find a way to kill them and get some kind of peace throughout the night. 

On the bright-side, I'm grateful they are not cockroaches. (if you are wondering, yes I have dealt with cockroaches already. One climbed up my leg the first night I spent at Ban Bon Doi) 

To keep it short, summary of awesomeness/hardness that has happened:

--local fair with Thai Boxing in Mae Wang. We were the first foreigners to attend and we got to sit in the 'VIP' section. We were even announced as special guests. I was really embarrassed and stared at a lot.

--Connected with old locals with Fonne (the girl who was hosting me) and an American couple (some new friends) at Mae Wang waterfall. Accepting a whiskey shot from a local seems to be the way to make a friendship around here. 

--Getting to follow two Karen hill tribe women up into the forest to forage for mushrooms for their dinner. They have never taken foreigners up with them. They showed us their wild buffalo, took us back to their village, offered to let us stay with them, and we harvested vegetables with them. 

--Moved to an apartment in the city

--Consider it a success when I don't itch a mosquito bite until it bleeds

--Felt more alone than I ever have in my whole life

--Felt complete bliss

--Read 'The Alchemist' by Paul Coelho and have fallen head over heels for that book. It has kept me going.

--'You're Not Alone' by Mavis Staples is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane during hard times. I play it at least 5 times a day because I love it so much. 

Yep.

To cheer me up tonight, I took myself out to dinner. 

I'm convinced, Mango lassis cure anything.

Black Ant Destroyer,

Jeni Peni 

p.s. I just got my first 1 hour foot massage. It was fantastic and I am going back tomorrow morning for a thai massage. I'm excited to get so much worked out of my body. If you have ever had the pleasure of trying to fix the anatomy of my shoulders, you understand what I am talking about. Plus human contact is so appreciated. I've hugged maybe 5 times since I've been here. 

Sabai sabai

Tonight is my last night at Baan Hom Samunphrai.

It was spent with my new friend Asiya and her friend who just flew in, piled together on a bed, watching "The Letter Writer" on an ipad mini. (Eating chocolate! Thanks Asiya ;) )

I like when movies becomes something special to do, not an all night every day happening. 

Christopher was on my mind a lot today. I forget how long of a path some things are. I get down on myself for not progressing quicker or healing faster. Luckily, my teacher, Clinton, would remind me that some things take a whole lifetime. I have a lot of grief (from many situations, old and recent) that I realized might take a very long time to ease and that is okay. I at least say 'yes' to dealing with it. 

I'm moving to a farm in Ban Bon Doi. Here is the link, if you are really that interested:

http://helpx.net/host.asp?hostid=21475 

To say the least, I'm nervous. I don't really know what to expect but I know that it will be perfect in its own way. It's always scary to step out into unknown territory, even for a "brave" person. I think being brave is being scared (even the "I'm definitely going to pee my pants" scared) and just doing it anyway.. shakiness, tears, and all. I'm okay with not being graceful about everything, I think that is a load of crock anyway. 

But I'm also very excited to start doing some work! 

I love all of you very much and appreciate the continued support and kind words I receive. It truly means the world to me to feel soo much love from so many beautiful people. Thank you thank you thank you. I wrote this last night in my journal and it feels right to share:

     "I truly believe life should be lived in an uncomfortable manner. Covered in bug bites, sweating, tasting the new nectar of a foreign language.

     I think it is important to be away for a while, periodically, from the people you love the most. Not just to realize your love for them but how much you are loved.

     I don't believe in petty games between crushes or people you like.

     I believe in getting to the heart of things as quickly as you can manage that day, in every person, situation, and relationship.

     Music can be a bridge.

             Food too.

     I believe in being whole-heartedly you for every moment of the day, knowing YOU won't be the same all the time. Change is perfect.

     Authenticity, honesty, integrity, faith, kindness, independence, dependency on the Divine, and laughter are all very important to me.

     Sat nam."

To a new paragraph in this chapter,

Jeni Peni 

(the first shot I saw when my mom facetimed me hahaha)

Want want want want want...NOO!

There isn't much to report from heaven.

That's clearly where I am!

Baan Hom Samunphrai (the land and place I am staying on currently) is so lovely. Wake up and do Thai Yoga at 7, 3 delicious healthy meals a day, herbal steam bath at 5:30pm with ginger tea. And thai dessert after every dinner! I smell so incredible, it is ridiculous. After 4 days of the steam bath, my skin is so soft and I smell like sweet herbs. 

Every night we can hear the monks doing their evening prayers. 

Today I went into town with Homprang (the owner) and James (my petite frere!). We went to a shopping mall that was just crazyness upon crazyness. Every sense is completely overwhelmed (happily).

Everything is cheap, it is hard not to want everything.. especially clothes :\ I did buy some thai fisherman pants (220 baht=$7) that I am very happy about! And I was given beautiful pants and a light hoodie by another student. It is interesting though, feeling "I want, I want, I want" when I normally don't care so much, and giving up that feeling of want because for now, I don't need. I'm sure as my trip progresses, I will buy a few more things. Everything is just so BEAUTIFUL! And in the states, all of these clothes would go for $20-40+, easily.

Speaking of clothes, I just washed my clothes in the shower with some Lavender Bronner's I found in there.. I hope they dry sometime within the next few days! 

The only thing I am having a hard time with is finding a place to live. I'm just trying to remain in a place of trust, knowing I will be taken care of and end up exactly where I am supposed to. 

I'm finding I am shy and quiet here but I am enjoying not talking. I love listening. 

I miss hugging though. 

I love speaking Thai. 

I have a feeling my English is going to become poor. 

Poor picture: thai fisherman pants on the right

Thai money, Baht

Nice space for meditation

laagonka,

Jenifer

Louuuuunge.

First full day in Chiang Mai! :) 

Last night I had a mini mental freakout moment after Homprang fed me.

"Whyyyyyy the hell am I here? Why didn't I just come for a few weeks? Why don't I have a partner to travel with..or to cuddle? What's the plan stan?!"

So after a 5 minute cry, I passed out on my bed.

Apparently, they thought I was going to be an Indian boy because of my name, Sandesh. So I awoke when I heard giggling and whispering. The students here were trying to figure out if I was a boy or a girl. Which has provided a lot of laughter throughout the day :)

I feel better!

I went on a bike ride with two of the students.

Traffic is really odd and scary, so I was a little nervous. 

But I entrusted my life to James.. a 19 year old boy from France who looks Asian. He likes singing The Misty Mountains from The Hobbit and cracks up every time another American says 'Lounge'. 

It was a beautiful, crash-free bike ride :)

I had my first herbal steam bath, which is made by herbs grown on the land. Mmmm! It's kind of the best thing ever. 

I'm grateful to have a Utah background full of spiders, scorpion, lizards, snakes, etc. because instead of freaking out about things here, it just feels like home. And also backpacking since I was 10 has been useful! I'm also grateful for biking Portland so much because it made my bike ride less stressful. ha! 

I'm just trying to get in contact with a farm I really want to stay at and volunteer, and I'm also looking for different orphanages to volunteer. Thai kids are possibly the cutest kiddos EVER. 

The time change was really easy to adjust to. I had stayed up until 6am 2 nights before I left and for whatever reason, I think that helped a lot. 

Baby skin soft,

Jeni Peni 

p.s. we lit off lanterns tonight!

A Love Letter to Myself

Little known fact about myself, I love to write letters to my future self. hahah Sometimes I write ones to my next day morning self to waaaaaake up or for bigger events. It's really pretty amusing and fun (: This is a letter to my airport self.

9/16/13 Monday 12:20am

On the folds opening it: Trust, The Divine is always taking care of you

Hey there!

So...it's the big day, huh? Congrats! You've probably been crying and feel so nervous you might implode! But don't worry! You won't! Implode, I mean... there will be implode-free crying though. Woo?

     You're sitting in bed right now at the 727 house, feeling highly stressed. You don't know where you are going to live, I hope we figured that out. Also, you are cutting your hair soon and can't wait! If you hate it, remember all the yucky memories that got cut away with it.

     You're in for a grand adventure by yourself. Will it be scary? Sometimes. Will it get lonely? Yes. Are you going to long for familiarity? Yes.

     But remember, you are a phenomenal woman. You don't want a life built on comfortable bubbleness. You are open to change, being changed, and being uncomfortable. That in itself is a tremendous feat! You might not feel it but you ARE brave. Courageous. You have overcome a lot to get to this point and there is more to come but you're doing it. You're fucking doing it!

     Please remember how deeply you can touch lives and let others do the same. It flows both ways. Be vulnerable. The people you love are miles away but only millicentimeters from your heart. Tap into that web when you feel lonely and homesick.

     I love you so much. Thank you for all the hard work and lessons you've learned. This is going to be SOOO fun!!!!! 

    Love,

       Jeni

(What Would Maya Do?)

With what shall you travel with, dear Liza?

So I'm taking all of that, plus the kindle version of Maya Angelou's new book and a few movies on my iPad (So far, I only want to put The Polar Express and Tangled on there..)

And my St.Christopher necklace from my Grandma. He's the patron saint of travelers.

I leave on Thursday, my flight is around 10pm. I feel calm about it. I've had my fill of Price and I am so excited to not feel like a dried up starfish.

Enjoying American food while I can,
Jeni Peni

An Unexpected Companion

I used to live on a street with the most adorable little boy and his family. He is 3 and anytime I would mention Thailand his response would be, "I love Thai food!" 

When I was moving out, him and his Dad came over to say goodbye. His Dad gave me a card and a little figurine...

Meet...Mr. Pirate.

Mr.Pirate has asked to join my adventure and be in my pictures! :)

I'm happy to have this matey tag along!

Arrrrrrrrrmused,

Sea Captain Jeni 

"Are you excited?"

Hi all!

Everyone has their own opinion about a female taking a solo journey to another country and they all think I need to hear their 2 cents.. even the guy helping me at Staples. That's fine. But I think it is important to be conscious of your words and whether they are helping or harming that person.

Make sure they will be safe? Sure, that's fine.

Tell them they are nuts and you don't understand why they would want that as a life change? Not so cool. 

I tried to embrace the "You're crazy!" line but really, that kind of hurts. 

I'm finding out that most things in life are meant for understanding and that is pretty perfect. You don't have to figure out your own journey or others around you...cue sigh of relief and heavy weight lifted off of your shoulders.

I guess this is the blog that I am writing for Thailand.

I plan to write it with open honesty and vulnerability. Please know that nothing on here should be taken personally and if it does, that might be something to examine within. ;) 

Yes, I'm excited!

Yes, I'm nervous!

But most of all, I'm really really ready.

14 days and counting,

Jenifer