Daring to Delve into Delicious Depths

**Disclaimer: My opinion does not de-value your relationship or marriage. Congratulations for you, sincerely! I am so happy you followed your heart and are living your ideal. I truly support people to live and express love exactly how THEY choose to, as long as it doesn't bring harm to another person. **

If you have talked to me lately or read any of my posts on facebook... you'll know that marriage, love, and relationships have been at the front of my mind. 

Not the want of getting into one...

But exploring what they actually mean, what they mean to me.

And before you get your hopes up that this blog post holds the answers and my findings, I still don't know. 

I feel like I've plunged into a huge deep unknown. 

From the time we are little, we are told that we grow up, go to college, get married, have kids. 

We play 'married' as children.. you be the mommy! I'll be the daddy! 

We are fed rules, boundaries, perceptions, expectations as to what our relationship should look like. 

When I tell people I'm not sure I'll ever get married (in a happy, light, very much okay way), I'm met with:

"Don't worry, love will come around!"

"But you are so beautiful, kind, wonderful!! It would be such a waste"

"You just haven't found the right one yet." 

But I'm fine.......REALLY. 

And is it a waste if I don't get married?

...is love EVER a waste? 

Which isn't to say I'm not open to falling in love, getting married.

I just know that for me personally, I don't see it as the ultimate goal.

I understand that for myself relationships can mean meeting, coming together on this path, learning/growing/loving madly and deeply, and then parting when the time is right. 

Accepting heart break, heart ache, letting my heart burst open so that I can experience even more love. 

 

Maybe even ASKING for heartbreak.

As you can tell, my feelings about it are a little all over the place.

I am in love with all of my wonderful friends, with animals.. How you chose to show up in this lifetime doesn't concern me, male or female, I choose to love you. 

Lost in Love,

Sandesh

Because It Isn't Healthy To Be Serious Always

Uprooting can bring some interesting results.

Changes in reality, personality, perception, emotions, physical body, etc.

But it also means your body is exposed to a lot of weirdness that it hasn't encountered before. So you just expect weirdness to ensue. And it does!

Getting food poisoning now isn't a big deal. You half expect it. Which isn't to say I am manifesting it...I just accept it and move on. 

Here is a picture entry of the odd body things that have happened so far.

I'm pretty amused!

Plus it is nice to have a non-serious post every now and then. 

First off, the unavoidable, finally a real traveler now.. food poisoning, which can last for days! You never really know. This time, 4 days.

Let's not leave out the most exciting and joy bringing experience of some type of undentifiable infection on the face. You just know it is bad by the faces thai pharmacists are giving it. 

Unexplainable wart, heat blister things.

Dog bite, mainly bruised and very swollen, only 1 puncture. But 5 shots in one visit and having to go back 4 more times for shots. 

Unexplained hives

Aaaaaaaaand, more food poisoning! 

Not to mention countless mosquito bites. 

I'm to the point now where I am highly amused by the weird things that happen.

See y'all in 3 months.

Lovingly yours,

Jeni Peni

Choosing Love, Choosing Magic

Choosing love when you know it is going to be too short, temporary, and gone way too quickly...it's a terrifying thing because you know at the end of it, you're going to feel heartbreak.

The kind that doesn't just make you cry but you feel it physically knotting up your insides. 

This applies to relationships AND friendships.

Some relationships you know are going to be short term, your paths will meet, you'll grow, but you'll also know when it is time to part because that's all you needed from the other person. 

That's what I'm choosing to do. 

I realized today how much I love and adore my friends here. 

My sweet friend got so upset when I told him I leave in May, his wonderful brain went into action on how I could remain here and make money. He knows a friend, a place...somewhere I could work. Just don't go. 

And my other amazingly wonderful friend asked, "Are you sure you don't want to stay?" 

That's a very complicated feeling answer.

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

Should I come back and live here longer?

Yes.

No.

Maybe. 

I don't have the answers for now, understandably. That is sooo far in the future, I have to stay present in this moment, that's all you can do. 

But, I can already feel how hard it is going to be to say goodbye to everyone here. I fall in love with my friends, that's just how I am. When you surround yourself with wonderful people, how can you not? 

I'm going to continue to say yes to love.

Yes to amazing conversations that end up being hours long on accident.

Yes to connecting with music and elevating each other.

Yes to revealing, vulnerable shared words of life stories and deep feelings. 

Yes to loving the wonderful, authentic, unique individuals that make my Chiang Mai life so beautiful.

Yes to deepening our relationships even though we only have a little more than 3 months left together.

I'm also saying yes to life being magical.

My rumi/best friend used to make fun of me for making the smallest things seem like the most extraordinary. I remember coming home with blueberries once, so excited about them, offering them to her every few minutes with eyebrows raising up and down and a smile on my face. She laughed and said how I make it seem like a wonderful magical event. 

If we are creating our realities, how do you want yours to look?

I'm going to continue choosing magical for mine.

And so far, that's what it is!

Acknowledging the constant flow of mournful goodbyes and awaited hellos,

Jeni Peni

p.s. someone wanted to see what I eat here normally. I can't remember who? But here are a few pictures haha I mainly eat a lot of veggies, rice and tofu. 

Also, the things that I have grown to LOVE that I didn't like before: Spicyness (I can't get enough damn spice.. even the strawberries have a mixture of sugar and chili sprinkled on them and it is so delicious), bubble tea, ovaltine (Ovaltine cookies are the best thing ever..ovaltine shakes are even above that), rice. 

Pad Thai, of course, for 45 Baht=$1.50  (I use all of that chili in the packet on it and could use more...)

Big Noodles, Veggie, Egg 30 Baht=$1

Omelet with Veggies and Tofu over Rice 20 Baht=66 cents more or less

Streetside fruit (best thing ever.) 10 Baht=33 cents

Abundance of delicious smoothies. This one is avocado banana with honey on top. It was a little bit more just because of the restaurant I was in 65 Baht=$2.15

Khao Tom Mad, sweet sticky rice with banana in banana leaves 2 for 10 Baht=33 cents

Aroy mak!!